我太累了。
世界似乎正处于另一场大战的边缘，这种感觉已经持续了好几年。24小时的新闻循环令人沮丧，仿佛每天都有新的灾难发生。战争、暗杀、饥饿、痛苦或死亡的儿童、洪水、森林火灾、饥荒。政治在各地似乎都陷入了疯狂，微弱的希望之光寥寥无几。民族主义、剑拔弩张、对“敌人”覆灭的幸灾乐祸。普通人——或者只是大型机器人网络——在网上发布的非人化漫画，让我想起了二战时期的宣传。
人工智能并没有成为节省时间的工具，甚至对普通人并没有太大好处，反而让许多事情变得更糟——社交媒体的动态、新闻网站的可信度、约会应用、求职等。它在幻觉中欺骗老年人，诱使他们陷入新的骗局。注意力持续时间迅速缩短，婴儿们用平板电脑看无聊的卡通，以便父母有半个小时来处理其他事务。
微塑料无处不在，鱼类正在死亡，我们在海底开采锰结核，正在以全新的方式破坏生态系统。亚马逊雨林仍在以惊人的速度被砍伐。“领英疯子”们在炫耀他们的16小时工作日，以及他们如何在第二季度让孤儿磨坊更高效。
“恶化”现象普遍存在，但价格仍在上涨。产品失去功能和耐用性，人工智能被塞入每一个角落，广告无处不在。你想和这30000家公司中的哪一家分享你的数据？
亿万富翁们比以往任何时候都更加公开地干预政治，飞往太空，囤积财富。个人数据大多是开源的。
就我个人而言，我的雇主在裁员，但产品却没有减少。我没有时间在工作中发展新技能或做出创新贡献。我们所能做的就是不让情况变得更糟，修复漏洞，并开无尽的会议讨论如何应对由于人手减少和会议增多而带来的额外工作量。“团队精神”几乎消失，大家都变得愤世嫉俗，互相监督以防懈怠。
我和伴侣已经在一起14年，她严重抑郁，不确定是否想继续这段关系。我感到无助，被焦虑所困。
我唯一能做到的好事就是带着垃圾袋和夹子去散步，清理社区，捐一些钱（当我合理确定这些钱会帮助到并达到预期目的时），关注我的环境和社会影响，友好礼貌地对待公共场合的人，使用公共交通，献血，和宠物打招呼，投票。虽然感觉这些还不够，但我真的很累。
我应该为未来存钱，但我对30多年后是否还有一个正常的金融体系没有信心。我应该发展新技能，但我缺乏真正投入某件事情的动力。
我有很多想做的事情（激光切割、3D打印、制作或加入独立游戏、重拾举重、制作MOC乐高模型、指导年轻开发者、做音乐、帮助移民、写小说或剧本或只是写一篇博客、让别人快乐、清理地下室、做志愿者……），但我缺乏动力，知道这些不会有什么结果，因为几天后我就会失去兴趣，然后又会有一个未完成的项目和/或占用空间的工具。
这变成了一场发泄，抱歉。我并不抑郁，只是……麻木和焦虑。感谢你的阅读。我真心希望你一切安好，或者更好。期待更美好的时光。
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The world feels on the brink of another big war, has for years now. The 24 hours news cycle is depressing, it feels like there's a new disaster every day. Wars, assassinations, hungry, suffering or dead children, floods, forest fires, famine. Politics has descended into madness seemingly everywhere, the tiny glimmers of hope are few and far between. Nationalism, saber-rattling, glee for the "enemy"'s demise. Dehumanizing caricatures I've only known from world war 2 propaganda are posted online by ordinary people - or just big bot networks?<p>AI has not turned out to be the time saver or even that benefical to the average human, it makes many things worse - social media feeds, trustworthiness of news sites, dating apps, job searches. It's hallucinating and tricking old people into new scams. Attention spans are shrinking rapidly, babies with tablets watching inane cartoons so the parents have half an hour to deal with everything else.<p>There's microplastic in everything, fish are dying, we're mining the seafloor for manganese nodules, disrupting ecosystems on fresh new levels. The amazon is still being cut down at alarming rates. "Linkedin lunatics" are boasting about their 16 hour days and how they made the orphan grinding machine more efficient in Q2.<p>Enshittification is rampant, yet prices still rise. Products lose functionality and longevity, AI is crammed into everything, ads everywhere. Which of these 30'000 companies do you want to share your cookies with?
Billionaires meddle in politics more openly than ever, fly to space, hoard the wealth. Personal data is mostly open source.<p>Personally, my employer is cutting positions but not products. I have no time to develop new skills at work or make innovative contributions. All we can do is not let it get worse, patch bugs and have endless meetings about how we can deal with the additional workload that are the result of less people and more meetings. The "team spirit" is mostly gone, everyone is cynical and there's a lot of policing everyone else for slacking off.<p>My partner of 14 years is severely depressed and not sure if she wants to stay in the relationship. I am helpless and frozen by anxiety.
The only good things I am managing to do are going on walks with a trashbag and grabber and clean the neighborhood, donating some money (when I'm reasonably sure it'll help and reach the intended cause), be mindful of my environmental and societal impact, be friendly and courteous to people in public, use public transportation, donate blood, say hi to pets, vote. It doesn't feel like it's enough but I am so tired.<p>I should put money aside for the future, yet I'm not confident that in 30+ years we still have a working financial system.
I should develop new skills, yet I lack the motivation to really get into anything.<p>There's so many things I would want to do (laser cutting, 3d printing, making or joining an indie game, get back into lifting weights, MOC lego models, mentor younger developers, make music, help immigrants, write a novel or screenplay or just a blogpost, make other people happy, clean up the basement, volunteer, ...) but I lack the motivation and know it won't lead to anything since I'll lose interest after a couple of days and then I have another unfinished project and/or tools taking up space.<p>This has turned into a rant. Sorry. I'm not depressed, just ... numb and anxious. Thank you for reading. I sincerely hope you are doing OK or better. Here's hoping for better times.