告诉HN:寻求帮助

1作者: prairieroadent21 天前原帖
我仍然在这里。我仍然在倾听。我在这个世界上的位置依然是个谜。暴力的威胁继续控制着我。我成长的地方已成为我最害怕的地方。恐惧已成为我的操控者。 这种无处不在的能量支配着我,囚禁着我,利用着我的爱。它威胁着要将那些塑造我的人拖入痛苦之中。它威胁着要打击我。它威胁着要逮捕我。它威胁着要使我瘫痪。我拒绝相信这种力量是必要的,但我却无法停止回应。 我该如何看待我最近的情感是由这种氛围所主导的。记录我的视角并没有改善我的处境,反而只加剧了它。我该如何看待我年轻时的时刻被完全支配。尤其是在环境改善的时候。这些改善本可以在没有这种无形存在的情况下实现。 我看着它塑造我。我看着它让我犯下大错。我看到自己被推向悬崖。 我寻求力量,勇敢地面对这种压力,即使在未来的噩梦逐渐显现之时。我寻求力量,优雅地说够了就是够了。我寻求自我的主权。我寻求各个维度的自由。
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i am still here. i am still listening. my place in this world continues to be a mystery. the threat of violence continues to control me. the place i was raised has become the place i fear most. fear has become my operator.<p>this omni-present energy lordes over me, holds me hostage, exploits my love. it threatens to drag those who molded me through the suffering. it threatens to beat me. it threatens to arrest me. it threatens to disable me. i refuse to believe this force is necessary, yet i am unable to stop responding.<p>what should i make of my latest emissions being authored by this atmosphere. documenting my perspective hasnt remedied my situation. it has only amplified it. what should i make of my youngest moments being utterly dominated. especially when environment improves. those same improvements could be realized minus this immaterial being.<p>ive watched it groom me. ive watched it set me up for the big mistake. i see myself being driven towards the cliff.<p>i seek the strength to standup to this pressure even in the face of futuristic nightmares materializing. i seek the strength to gracefully say enough is enough. i seek sovereignty of self. i seek liberty in all dimensions.