请问HN：同事对我不尊重 - 有什么建议吗？
我在一个能力强但性格差的同事身边工作：链接：https://www.pickardlaws.com/myleadership/myfiles/rtdocs/hbr/Competent%20Jerks,%20Lovable%20Fools%20&%20Formationa%20of%20Social%20Networks%200605.pdf
背景故事——我一年前加入了现在的团队。那个团队几乎要崩溃了，成员们互相仇恨，试图让对方被解雇。团队负责人在我加入前一个季度就因与一位难相处的同事发生冲突而辞职，转去了另一个团队。
然后我作为团队负责人加入了。我在过去一年里帮助稳定了团队，团队成员从四人增加到十人。有三位工程师专门是为了和我一起工作而加入的。
然而，在我加入团队的整个过程中，那位难相处的同事几乎对我做的每一件事都在批评和争斗。尽管这位同事相对缺乏经验，但之前的一位主管告诉他，他应该成为这个平台的负责人。因此，他与一年前的另一位负责人发生了冲突，过去一年里也与我不断争斗。这让我感到非常疲惫。
他的攻击主要表现为消极攻击的评论，以及在琐事上争论并试图证明自己是对的。之前他对同事的攻击比较明显，但在我和我的经理介入后，这种情况有所改善。然而，他对我依然如此。显然，他不尊重我这个负责人，并在团队会议上明确表现出来。
这让一切变得更加困难。即使在一个导致全球停机三小时的事件中，我们没有收到警报，用户是告诉我们系统崩溃的，我在提议进行事后分析时也遭到了反对，因为他的工作涉及其中。现在我不得不私下与我的经理沟通（他当时不在房间里），仍然面临着阻力。仅仅是他在完成任何事情时带来的摩擦，让做正确的事情变得不值得。
我感到无助。我的其他队友都喜欢和我一起工作。我去年获得了晋升，职位比这位同事高两个级别，这意味着公司信任我。坦白说，我希望能离开这个团队，但由于我在一个专业领域工作，转岗很困难，公司里没有与我级别相当的其他职位。
我的经理对采取任何行动都很抵触。我觉得他对我提起这个问题感到厌烦。他说那位工程师“与[一位从不与他意见相左的初级工程师]相处得很好”。他认为这位难相处的工程师在改善，并看到他在努力。他对我的反馈是不要太在意这些。他问我该如何改变他的行为（他是经理，不是我……）。
我真的只想能安心上班，做好我的工作，而不必整天应对一个试图在我面前抬高自己或“得分”的混蛋，也不想在每次我们同处一个会议时都要面对冲突。我厌倦了这种地位和认知的游戏，以及他对团队氛围和文化的整体影响。
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I work with a competent jerk: https://www.pickardlaws.com/myleadership/myfiles/rtdocs/hbr/Competent%20Jerks,%20Lovable%20Fools%20&%20Formationa%20of%20Social%20Networks%200605.pdf<p>Backstory -- I joined my current team a year ago. It was falling apart. The team members hated each other and were trying to get each other fired. The team lead who’d joined a quarter before had quit to join another team largely due to conflict with one difficult coworker.<p>Then I joined as the lead. I helped to stabilize the team over the last year. It’s grown from four to ten engineers. Three engineers joined specifically to work with me.<p>Yet the entire time I’ve been on that team, that one difficult coworker has been criticizing and fighting almost everything I’ve done. That coworker was relatively inexperienced, yet was told by a previous director that he was meant to be the lead of this platform. Hence the fighting with the other lead from a year ago. And with me over the past year. It’s burning me out bad.<p>It mostly comes across in passive-aggressive comments, and in trying to argue and prove he is right about trivial things, with every bit of disagreement. It used to come up in terms of aggression towards his peers. That stopped when me and my manager intervened. Yet continues with me. It's clear he doesn't respect me as lead, and makes that clear in team meetings.<p>It makes everything harder. Even in an incident that caused a global outage for three hours, and where we didn't have alerts and had to get told by our users we were down, I get pushback on calling for a post-mortem since his work was involved. Now I have to back-channel to my manager (who wasn't in the room), and still face the . Just the friction alone that he adds in getting anything done makes doing the right thing often not worth it.<p>I'm at a loss. My other teammates love working with me. I was promoted last year. I'm two levels above this guy which means my company trusts me. I'm frankly wishing I could leave the team but it's difficult to transfer since I'm in something of a specialty and there aren't other positions at my level in the company.<p>My manager's been resistant to doing much of anything. I think he's tired of me bringing it up. He says that the engineer "gets along with [junior engineer who never disagrees with him]". He says the difficult engineer is improving and sees him trying. His feedback to me is not to let it bother me so much. He asks me what he should do to change his behavior (he's the manager, not me...).<p>I really just want to be able to come in to work and do my job without dealing with an asshole trying to one-up me or "score points" against me all day and without expecting conflict every time we're in the same meeting. I'm tired of the status and perception games and his overall impact on the team vibe and culture.